I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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