ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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