i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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