I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize