so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
