Non-Jews are for practice
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
