He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Randomize
