Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Randomize