I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
