you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize