Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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