I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
that's an acceptable place to lick
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
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