Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
