What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
