Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Boobs speak an international language.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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