if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
