There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
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