new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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