She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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