HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
