Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize