i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
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