Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Is it because I queefed?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
