people are starting to question the shark bite story
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
