At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
