ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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