He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
