She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
