You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
