the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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