just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
