So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
