Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
