the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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