just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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