No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
