Only a mothe r could love this liver
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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