u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize