Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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