Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
