Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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