I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Randomize
