the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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