I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
