Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Randomize
