Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
We need to get me chipped asap
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
