I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
