my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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