So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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