the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
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