I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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