I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
