Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
My feet surprised me
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