im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
