i jhust puked up my retainher.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
It was a blind-side dick pic.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Randomize
