Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
