did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
