Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
