I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
