You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
