i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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