her facebook's as public as her vagina
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
