Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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