His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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