Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
