Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I have demons in me.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
