**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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