I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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