Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
