this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
