I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Randomize
